I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
