i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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