i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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