Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Did I show you my penis last night?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
