OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
