Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
