dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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