I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need a beard to bite.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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