porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
