my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
