There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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