Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
