I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
