I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
