he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you had me at cake vodka
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
