I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
