They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
