Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
