she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
