omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
