Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
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I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.