Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
