Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
