My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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