Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
