dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
