I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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