that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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