Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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