there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
