Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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