wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
