if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
