she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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