It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think I am morally bankrupt
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
