i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
