The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
