You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize