Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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