You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
