I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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