I bet he comes in French.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
