Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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