No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
