my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
