I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
