I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
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Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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