i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
