last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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