did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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