it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
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My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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