Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
