Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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