Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
