There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
