i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sorry about my life...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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