I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
