It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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