Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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