No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
