were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
