4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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