TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
