Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
