My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
