Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
