i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
