Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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