Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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