i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
