i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
