Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
