His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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