Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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